The almighty, high-falutin’ Notre Dame is REALLY SHOWING US by dropping out of Bowl Games, because — hold on, let me check my notes on the email I got from the Notre Dame AD entitled “Confidential to Media Types: How to Properly Spin the Notre Dame Decision so as to maintain the Fighting Irish Mystique” — ok, I remember. They are TAKING IT TO THE MAN. That’s right, Notre Dame is STANDING UP FOR THE LITTLE GUY. They are BLOWING UP THE BOWL SYSTEM and CALLING OUT THE FARCICAL CFP COMMITTEE.
Aside: I once had a friend who got frustrated with an essay test, and after writing a few lines in a vain attempt to answer the exam question, my friend got frustrated, and just wrote the same cussword, over and over, for the rest of the allotted time. So consider this a paraphrase of her work:
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
(etc….did you know, webpage crawlers get suspicious when you repeat words too many times? You’ll just have to imagine the rest. But I’m still laughing, trust me on this.)
Real Talk: Notre Dame QUIT because they didn’t get their way. All the talking heads and spin masters and pundits can pontificate endlessly, but we all know the truth. They quit, because they did not get their way.
I will not endlessly go on about this FACT because I have a much juicier PROGNOSTICATION about Notre Dame. Spoiler alert: Notre Dame is about to experience The FSU Culture IMPLOSION.
What is the FSU Culture Implosion, you ask? Well! We all remember, of course, how FSU threw an almighty FIT when they were left out of the CFP, back when it was just 4 teams. They blamed Bama (when technically it was Texas that took their spot), just like Notre Dame is heaping scorn on Bama (when technically it’s Miami that took their spot.) Now, no one is worried about Bama — they can take the heat, they kind of like it because it makes the Finebaum show saucier. But we, meaning all people everywhere, are super excited & happy seeing Notre Dame FINALLY get some comeuppance.
But remember what happened to FSU:
- Their coach, Mike Norvell, lost all composure about the snub
- CERTAIN members of the team, keying off his attitude, opted out of the bowl game
- OTHER members of the team, presumably wanting to defend the pride of the program and finish out what had, in fact, been an excellent season, decided to play
- FSU got ABSOLUTELY BOAT RACED by Georgia — so bad that it’s still illegal to post the score in some countries
- A Georgia team, that, by the way, had ALSO been left out of the 4, and yet somehow managed to maintain a modicum of composure and cool
- FSU goes 2-10 the next year
Why? Team CULTURE of course. All those dudes who played against UGA weren’t laying down. They PLAYED, while their mostly big-dollar NIL teammates stayed home. Camaraderie = DEAD. Next season, with a coach who clearly couldn’t get past the snub, and a team with zero, you know, team-ness, they imploded. And guess what? It affected the NEXT year as well. FSU came out first game, gifted by the college football gods with a chance to play Alabama AT FSU, and furthermore a chance to AVENGE the (now two seasons old) snub, and they DID. Beat Alabama, a two-score favorite, like a drum. Life was PERFECT. Except, you know, Norvell, in his single-minded Moby Dick obsession had forgotten they had the rest of the season to play. And so they only won 4 more games and eventually TURN DOWN a bowl invitation (the irony is EXCRUCIATING, isn’t it? It’s so good. So good!)
Now, the Notre Dame case is slightly different, because they opted OUT of getting boat-raced by BYU. No, this actually won’t be an implosion. (Never trust spoilers!) It will be worse: the quitter’s mentality. Seeping deep into the Notre Dame psyche, indelibly staining that sign they touch, insidiously infecting the program, growing slowly like the hairline crack in Touchdown Jesus that the caretaker is afraid to tell anyone about cause he forgot to plug in the dehumidifier and that thing is gonna TOPPLE one day soon and let’s just hope nobody is underneath it.
Notre Dame will be haughty to the very end but quitting will become the very essence of their program. Glorious, isn’t it. To wrap, and because it’s Notre Dame, a Bible verse! For your edification. King James Version because it’s not copyrighted.
But when his heart was lifted up, and his mind hardened in pride, he was deposed from his kingly throne, and they took his glory from him
Notre Dame getting dissed by the Bible! Apocalyptic. Oh that’s Daniel 5:20, which you already knew from Sunday School, I’m just letting some of the backsliders know. And one more, from Psalms 73:6:
Pride compasseth them about as a chain.
I mean, you never saw the word “compasseth” in your life before and you know EXACTLY what it means now. “Cheer, cheer, for old Notre Dame. Pride compasseth them, ’bout as a chain.”
Now go do something useful. This column is over and well past time, too.